Ex Boyfriend

My ex boyfriend was my best friend, we did absolutely everything together. We were together for fours years of our life and i met him when i was just fifteen years old. We went on several holidays with each other and i became a part of his family. I lived with him, his dad and his sister and it was perfect. I used to spoil him rotten, practically all of my money i earned from work went on him and i loved doing it, some days i would go shopping for myself and come back with one hundred pounds worth of stuff for him and nothing for me, but not because he asked me to, because i wanted to. I would buy him lunch out and we would go to the beach together for a slow walk holding hands with not a care in the world. We would mess around play fighting in the lounge laughing and crying and just having fun. I loved that guy with all my heart and there will always be a place for him in there somewhere.

We had our ups and downs like every couple, i would check his phone because i didn’t trust him and he would check mine, we would argue over silly things and argue over big things. About two years into our relationship he cheated on me with the same girl four times (or so he says), the only reason i found out was because she told me, however after crying non stop for that day i decided to forgive him. I was far too involve with him to let him go and and if it would have been up to me when we broke up, it wouldn’t have happened.

We broke up November twenty third (his twenty first birthday), things hadn’t been right for a while. We were living together, but not talking to each other and neither of us were happy and we hardly had sex anymore, so i decided to bring it up so we could sort it out and bring the spark back – but obviously it ended badly and not how i had planned. All i could think about for months was why did i ever bring it up? Why didn’t i just let it sort itself out? I missed him like mad and i wanted to die. I got so depressed without him i was cutting myself as a pain relief and texting him non stop, i was out of control. Time went on and i just couldn’t get over him i tried to act like i was really horny and i managed to get him over for sex thinking he would realise how much he missed me. That wasn’t the case. he walked out half way though and said he wasn’t ready and he couldn’t do it. In time i stopped talking to him because he didn’t want anything to do with me. I was distort and i had it suck in my head that i would never meet anyone again like him, however now I’ve been talking to other guys and seeing my friends a lot more, i realise just how badly he actually treated me.

As said above i used to spend all my money on him, however he never spent a penny on me, he would never just pop downstairs to make me a cup of tea like i would him and he wouldn’t come with me to see my mother. I know they are petty little things but they are what count in a relationship. Lets not forget the fact that he cheated on me and also dirty talked over text and Facebook with other girls. He won’t talk to me now, and he would never talk about the future when we were together, he had absolutely no interest of moving out with me. He used to get angry a lot and punch the walls and throw things, if I’m honest he could be a little out of control, but to be fair i did argue with him and provoke him. Sometimes i think he didn’t want to be with me a long time ago, he just thought he was stuck with me. It felt as though in the end he just didn’t care for me anymore and now i look back i am glad i got out when i did. I will always be there for him if he needs me but he’s never going to need me, he’s happy just living his life as if i was never apart of it.

moving on… thats the hardest part of a break up. I know I’m only twenty years old and we were young when we got together, however i thought he was the love of my life. Moving on is one of the hardest things a person can ever do. I had no life without him, i never saw my friends because the only thing in my life i needed was him. I have come to realise that is definitely not true. Your friends will always have your back and keep you sane and help you live your life. I reconnected with my friends and i now see them every weekend, they are the key to moving on.

Never lose touch with your friends. I have realised there is much more to life than him and a lot more in life i need to discover. Traveling is on the agenda and enjoying life without having anyone to tie you down exactly i what i need right now.

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